Tuesday, December 03, 2013

Stephen Colbert Launches Petition To Execute Caramel, President Obama's 'Alternate' Turkey

The Comedy Central host's petition is on the White House's 'We the People' petition page...
Washington, DC -  President Barack Obama's decision to keep alive both the birds granted clemency during this year's National Thanksgiving Turkey pardon ceremony is "un-American," Stephen Colbert declared on Monday night's The Colbert Report as he unveiled a petition demanding the execution of Caramel, the alternate bird. 

The petition is now on the White House's We the People petition site, where it needs 100,000 signatures to get an official response from an Administration official. 

POTUS pardons Popcorn
Colbert has no problems with the actual pardoned turkey, Popcorn, remaining alive.  But he's finding Caramel's clemency disturbing because Popcorn won the right to the official pardon after the White House ran a contest on social media so Americans could vote to select the lucky bird.

"Long story short, Caramel is a loser and the American people agree with me," Colbert said after riffing on the differences between the two birds.  

"Boom, suck it Caramel! The internet has spoken and they decided you lose," Colbert continued.  

"That’s right--our coward in chief wasn’t satisfied pulling out of Iraq and pulling out of Afghanistan--now he’s pulling out of turkey," Colbert continued. "Our elections have consequences...Next you’re going to tell me that the losing Miss America contestants get to live."

The text of the petition on the White House website reads: 

"We the undersigned hereby demand that President Barack H. Obama, hereafter “POTUS,” fulfill the implied will of the people with regards to the annual Thanksgiving Turkey Pardon.

POTUS supervised a binding web vote between poultry-Americans “Popcorn” and “Caramel,” promising to spare the life of the winner. Popcorn won the vote, but then POTUS revealed that both turkeys would be allowed to live. Is this the democracy the pilgrims fought and ate dinner for? We think not. Therefore, we the people ask that POTUS summarily execute Caramel at a time and place of his choosing.  

Justice must be served. Preferably with a side of mashed potatoes and candied yams."

Colbert has a link to the White House petition on ColbertNation.com, where there's a clickable button  that reads "Sign The Petition/Urge Obama to Execute Caramel the Turkey.

The birds are currently on display at Mount Vernon, President George Washington's historic home in Alexandria, Virginia.  They will be part of the Christmas at Mount Vernon program through Jan. 6th, 2013. 

*Comedy Central video & screengrab; photo by Obama Foodorama